The relationship between a Jedi Knight and his (or her) droid is a special one: not often understood by your family, or even your master. Like all serious relationships, there’s a depth and complexity that lingers just below the surface: thoughts and feelings that fester, late at night, after the beeping has died down. Presented below (and with Valentine’s Day in mind) are eight things your droid won’t tell you that you need to know.

 1. He’s older than you think he is…

The Problem: It’s likely that when you met he didn’t tell you how old he was, and you didn’t ask. Chances are you were being chased by Stormtroopers or the Sith. It didn’t seem important then, and by the time you thought to ask, the window of opportunity had passed.

The Solution: Don’t say anything. Metal doesn’t sag. Just keep him polished and well-oiled, and try not to think about all the upgrades he’s probably had along the way.

2. You don’t know who owned him before you…

The Problem: Everybody likes to pretend that a new relationship is a chance for a new start: maybe it is, but it’s hard not to wonder about who was tweaking your droid before you were.

The Solution: As easy as it is to go there, those feelings can poison your relationship with your droid. You’ve evolved (remember when you could barely feel The Force?) and so has he. This is your chance to be a grown-up. He hasn’t asked you if he’s your first droid, has he? Let it go.

3. His friend understands him better than you do…

The Problem: You’d like to think that you and your droid share a deep, unspoken sympathy… until you see him beeping away at his friend and the two of them go off on their own, leaving you at home, polishing your light saber. Sometimes it’s hard not to get jealous.

The Solution: Get used to it. The truth is, you’re not a droid, and some of the things they share with each other – intimate details about the inner workings of their circuits and hidden caches – you just don’t want to know. Yes, sometimes it seems like they’ve known each other forever and you’re struggling to catch up, but don’t forget that when push comes to shove it’s the two of you that fly the ship and fire the guns. Nobody can lift him up like you can.

4. Those aren’t just beeps and whistles…

The Problem: You think that you understand what he’s saying, but sometimes – though you nod and smile – all you hear are beeps and whistles. You worry that you don’t understand him at all, and that one day he’s going to figure it out.

The Solution: He’s a droid. You’ll never fully understand him, but you do need to try harder. When all you hear are beeps and whistles don’t tell him that, but ask him to clarify: you might be surprised by what he has to say (more on that, later).

5. He keeps things from you…

The Problem: He has these tiny little rollers/legs, and yet he seems to be able to go everywhere that you go. You can’t shake the feeling that when you’re looking the other way he’s hoisting up his metal skirt and running up the stairs. What else hasn’t he told you?

The Solution: Some aspects of droid life are inherently mysterious. How much is their consciousness like ours? If they’re sentient beings, how is it cool to own one? How can a 9-year-old slave rebuild a protocol droid who speaks over six million languages and demonstrates advanced artificial intelligence? Keep looking the other way: how your droid gets from point A to point B (as fast as you do) is the least of your worries. Just be glad you don’t have to carry him.

6. He doesn’t like to talk about his military service…

The Problem: Sometimes, late at night, you like to wax philosophic about the life you’ve led and the battles you’ve fought, but your droid seems reluctant to talk about it, even though you’ve always suspected that there’s a history, there.

The Solution: It’s probable that your droid has lost companions in the past and that talking about it is painful. When you talk about your campaigns be circumspect, with breaks in the conversation for him to respond. In time, you may find him telling stories about the years of psychotherapy he was undergoing on Alderaan while you were still in diapers.

7. He’s more experienced than you are…

The Problem: You met in a flush of excitement: it seems like your life started around the time you met, and you sometimes forget that he had a whole life – decades of it – before you entered the picture. It’s easy to feel insecure about your place in his life.

The Solution: This is a natural part of having a much older partner: feeling that their autonomy outstrips yours. Consider that your droid’s long life is indicative of prior care (or alternately, a lot of repairs…) and feel good about that. Live in the present and try not to think about the inevitable future, in which he’s moved on and you’re nothing but a glowing ghost-image.

8. He can be cold-blooded…

The Problem: He’s killed. He’s kept things from you. He even allowed his friend’s memory to be erased. How can you stay with him?

The Solution: Keep in mind that he may have reasons – bizarre , inexplicable, illogical reasons – for the things he does. Has it occurred to you that he may be uncomfortable with some of the things you do? Think of that, the next time you use the Jedi Mind trick on someone.